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March 28th, 2008

 well jodi wanted me to come down and watch all the kids tomorrow. i feel horrible that i am not. but at the same time i don't want to do any favors for my dad. how mature huh? im trying to be mature and i act like i am to everyone but in this situation, i am not. my family has always been a little disfucitional, but its definately taken to the extreme now. 
i need to quit thinking just about me and think about other people too. but i can't just seem to imagine myself hanging out there without getting depressed.
i just feel so bad for jodi and everyone in that house =/ 
everysecond i am alone or not occupying my mind with other activities i feel like all i think about is how sad i feel about the whole situation. 
i've definately overbooked my sechdule. i usually don't make plans very far in advance, and i don't have so much going on like i do now. i make plans with someone WAY to far out in advance and forget about them and make plans that conflict, =) i think i need a planner.
i just have to keep telling myself to forget about it and focus on the good things in life. because there is so many good things in my life. this situation will make me a stronger person than i am now. 
i do miss my siblings a lot though.!! i wonder how they feel!!! i can never see them because i am at work and when i get off my dads home. i could come on fridays, bit i am selfish and don't want to be in that house. i do feel bad that i haven't seen elisabeth after her surgery, because after all she is still my little sister. i'm sure she understands,.. well at least i can only hope she understands ;)

poor jason is sick. he's been coughing horribly all night the past few nights, and he can barely breathe out of his nose. he took the day off work today. i think he wanted to play his call of duty more than rest and get better =) but i still love him anyways.